You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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