I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
