I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
