how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
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