Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
