Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize