Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Randomize
