My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
