After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize
