nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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