I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
COCAINE IS GR8
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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