I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
