Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Crop dusting thru forever 21
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
