I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
