i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
