All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
