So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
