My room smells like vodka and shame
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
