i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
