Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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