Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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