I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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