just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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