Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
