we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
