I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
