Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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