She went from zero to smokin in five shots
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I was not drunk enough for that final.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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