I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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