this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
