Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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