it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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