So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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