And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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