Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
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