Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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