Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
