70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
