u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
