I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
