I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
