Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
