i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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