I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
