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What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
