Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
