I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
its liver damage thursday
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
