I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
