i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I look better un-naked...
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
