you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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