Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
