dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
