I hate all girls vehemently.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
