she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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