Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I miss vodka workout Fridays
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
