There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
