My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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