aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
