Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
