I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
