btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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