When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
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