True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
