Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize