They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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