Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Having a random hookup so left but love u
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
