When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
