It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
We don't watch enough power rangers
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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