imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
