We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize