I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
BRING THE BAGELS
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
