Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
