i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize