am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
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