my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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