do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I love having hate sex.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
